A marriage is on the verge of collapse, but the couple is not ready to break up. Is there any way out of this? Professional marriage counseling would be the right solution. A good counselor can help a couple come to mutual understanding and save the marriage.
Why Do Marriages Fail?
While every couple consider their case to be unique, there are actually a few of most common causes. One of them is so-called crisis phases. They can be tied to dates: one-year relationship crisis, three-year crisis, etc.Or they can be connected with key moments in the family life, usually the birth of a child. The family has to completely reshape its life often leading to misunderstandings and conflicts.The situations are very different, but the real reason for dissatisfaction with relationships remains the same –lack (of attention, care, love, protection, etc.)
As selfish as it may sound, we maintain relationship with those who we are satisfied with and who gives us what we need. It could be:
- financial security,
- joint leisure time,
- little attentions women are so sensitive to.
If you or your spouse are thinking about divorce, first of all try to give a clear answer to the question: what do I need? What does he (or she) need?
Point of No Return
There is always a fairly long period when a couple is in a precarious situation. One or both partners are in the process of making a decision, doubting, looking for and trying various options. It is during this time that at the initiative of one or both partners, it is still possible toget the relationship back on the right track.
There is also no such thing as a hard point of no return. Even if one of the partners has firmly decided to divorce, there is still a chance to change the decision and make things right. And this applies to more than half of such tough decisions.
Does Marriage Counseling Work?
A divorce counselor or marriage therapist work is quite difficult ashe acts as a mediator, being a chance for a couple to save their marriage and prevent from making a drastic solution. Consequently, marriage counseling is needed. Spouses themselves usually cannot realize what is the root cause of a quarrel, often expressing subjective view. A good counselor will help to hear each other.
Open conversation is the primary means of saving a marriage. It is easier to make it in the presence of a professional, since he acts as a mediator and an independent person. A marriage counselor will help to:
- direct the conversation on a peaceful track;
- make it unbiased and therefore, productive;
- find words to express feelings and emotions;
- raise their claims for marriage;
- name the relationship disorder problem;
- listen to each other;
- reach an agreement;
- develop a behavior pattern.
Work on Yourself
Visiting a marriage counseloris not enough to save a marriage. This will take long time and hard work. Mainly, by changing destructive and negative tactics to the productive ones; destructive criticism to a friendly discussion, isolation to private space, contempt to the ability to see the good in your partner. The counselor will helpdetermine the direction of work on self-improvement and what to pay attention to.
At first, it may seem difficult: you will constantly have to control yourself and follow the counselor’s instructions. But after following the instructions you can be impressed how much joy a marriage can bring.
Marriage Counselor Advice to the Couple on the Verge of Divorce
- Be realistic. Many couples expect an immediate solution from a counselor. But it is impossible to deal with all accumulated grievances at once. This can take weeks or months. Therefore, spouses must prepare for a long and thorough work. Since, a marriage can be saved only with patience and hard work.
- Looking towards the future. The common problem for many families is that they focus on the past, old grievances and quarrels. They often hold them against each other for years, unwilling to forgive. You must leave the past behindin order to move on. That is, forgive each other and look towards the future.
- Keep promises. When starting a new life, spouses can make certain promises to each other: no cheating, no criticism, etc. These promises must be adhered strictly so as not to betray each other’s trust.
- Solve problems smoothly and learn to compromise. You should give each other the opportunity to talk openly about the concerns and try to find a common solution. It is important not to get personal and not turn the conversation into a quarrel.
Take a break. Sometimes, in order to stay together, a break up is needed. This will help you sort yourself out and understand what you actually want. It sometimes happens that separation helps yourealizehow important you are to each other and how much you miss your spouse.
Also Read: ibtime.org